Heidi Olson at last gets to tell her side of the story to
Bob Grawey in the Star News.
The popular board game Monopoly turned out to be the breaking point for Rep. Mark Olson and his wife, Heidi. The game was meant as an occasion for Olson to bond with Heidi’s 13-year-old son who has autism. Instead, it turned into the event that ultimately led to Olson’s arrest and trial for domestic assault.
How could a simple board game lead to such a devastating end? Answers can be found in looking closer at family dynamics that led to the Nov. 12, 2006, incident in which Heidi says Olson threw her to the ground three times.
.... because Rep. Mark Olson is way into rules:
Even though marriage started out on a happy note for the couple, it did not take long for things to sour. For Olson, a first-time marriage at 48 years old included being a parent for the first time to five children, one of them with autism.
Coupled with these dynamics, Heidi says Olson’s biblical interpretation of Scripture became a major source of contention in their home and marriage.
Heidi maintains Olson’s biblical interpretation of the man being the head of the home meant that Olson has total control of everything in the home, and that her role was to merely support whatever decisions he made.
The biggest conflict, she says, was about parenting issues, discipline in particular. She adds that Olson did not feel she responded quickly enough or hard enough in disciplining her kids.
“My opinions regarding raising children, or how I felt something should be done, were not going to be listened to,” Heidi says. “He had an idea of how it should be done, and he really wanted it to be done that way.”
At first Heidi went along with the way Olson wanted things, but when she saw how harsh things became, she says she wanted to regroup and tell him his ideas of running a family and a marriage were not working for her. He would not concede, though.
“He saw any input I wanted to have on disciplining my own children—my biological children—as being disrespectful to him,” Heidi says.
Olson conducted family life much like politics, Heidi contends. She says the politician, husband and father saw issues as black or white, right or wrong. But politics did not work in a blended family situation, she says in which diplomacy and compromise was needed.
Olson’s harsh disposition was particularly egregious concerning Heidi’s autistic son. When the boy would make a mistake about something, Heidi says Olson would not overlook the error even though it might be petty.
Such was the case when Olson was playing Monopoly with the 13-year-old.
“My son with autism had paid the wrong price for a hotel,” Heidi recalls, “and because Mark deals with everything as either right or wrong, he had to correct him on the price of the hotel. It became an issue and I received a call from my son saying ‘Mark just won’t let it go. I don’t know what to do.’”
Heidi instructed her son to stop playing the game and go to his room and read a book, or he could apologize for paying the wrong price and continue playing the game. The boy apologized and continued playing, but apparently Olson would not let it go.
“My son started hitting himself because he became so frustrated with Mark, and he thought Mark was harassing him,” Heidi says. “So he started hitting himself in the head, and hitting at Mark.”
Several days passed since the incident, and whenever Heidi tried talking to Olson about how her son needed to be handled, he refused to talk about it.
“These kinds of kids have a quicker breaking point than most other kids,” Heidi explains. “You just don’t harass them about stuff that isn’t a big deal. You learn how to talk to them.”
... but she soon learned that Rep. Mark Olson has a quicker breaking point Olson’s arrest:
Heidi was still upset that Olson would not discuss the Monopoly game incident with her, and days later when he arrived at the house to take measurements for a new garage, she told him to leave. When he tried to enter the house, she stood in the doorway blocking his entry, refusing to move. Heidi says he then threw her to the ground and jumped on top of her.
“I did not scuffle with him,” Heidi claims. “I stood there with my arms crossed. His sweater did get ripped, though, when I tried to grab hold of something as he threw me down.”
It was this same incident that Olson allegedly said, “You’ve taken everything from me. I have nothing to lose,” according to Heidi.
Heidi says Olson was referring to his belief that she had not allowed him to be the head of the house he believed was his biblical right.
The physical conflict worsened. Olson threw Heidi down a second time, and after yet another show of force from Olson sent her to the floor, Heidi felt she had to escape.
“The third time he threw me to the ground, and when he started saying he “didn’t have anything to lose” and “come over here and let me finish you off,” then I became afraid of him,” Heidi says.
She ran back into the house to get away from him, according to her account of the physical assault. This incident was the basis for court proceedings conjecture during Olson’s trial, detailing a marriage that had gone bad.
Rather than calling 911, though, Heidi called her sisters and Olson’s brother. Heidi was afraid Olson might take his own life after driving down a path leading into the woods, particularly after saying he had nothing to lose.
While Olson’s brother tried talking to him, one of Heidi’s sisters called 911. It was the fourth separate occasion Olson had forcefully thrown Heidi down She says, though, that he never hit her.
Through all the marital conflicts, Heidi says she and Olson sought marriage counseling three times and pastoral counseling twice. She also asked for help from both of the couple’s families in attempts to get answers to their marital issues.
...Heidi considers herself a political scapegoat...
When Olson was arrested and standing trial for two counts of misdemeanor domestic assault, Heidi says things became even more unbearable. She feels Olson’s efforts to save his political career hinged on making her seem like the abuser instead of the victim.
“The trial was really all about vilifying me to get Mark off,” Heidi claims.
What hurt Heidi and her children the most, though, she claims, was Olson’s allegations that her autistic son abused him, and that he was afraid of the 13-year-old boy.
“How far do you need to go to save your job?” Heidi states. “Who do you need to sacrifice?”
The marriage to Olson and the trial that ensued was hard on Heidi’s five children as well. Heidi says her two youngest kids are in counseling because of the ordeal.
... the story ends with Heidi's strugle with divorce and forgiveness...
Even though the couple’s divorce is imminent, Olson has stated publicly that he wants to reconcile their marriage. But Heidi will have nothing to do with the notion.
“He totally crossed the line at the trial when he said I have the potential to kill him in his sleep,” Heidi says, and that he was afraid. I would never reconcile with Mark.”
Though Heidi says she still loves Olson and will miss some things about him, she will not put herself or her children through another hurtful or abusive situation.
Questioned about her public claim of forgiveness for Olson, Heidi admits she is still working on it.
“I can forgive him, but it doesn’t mean I have to invite him back into my home,” Heidi says. “Forgiveness for me means letting go of the need to punish him. It’s going to be more of a journey than an event.”
... Heidi Olson and her family seem like nice people. Too nice to be subjected to Rep. Mark Olson's abuse. But, there are a lot of nice people out there who have to put up with Rep. Mark Olson's abuse... like elected representatives who will have to figure out a way to keep the Minnesota's bridges from falling down and killing people. How easy will that be with Rep. MArk Olson ranting about Global Warming and Personal Rapid Transit?
It doesn't look like the Republicans will be able to kick Olson out of the legislature in the next session.... unless nice people... people who know about Rep. Mark Olson's promotion of PRT and other snarky activities come forward and tell their stories too.
If you have a story, the comments are open and my e-mail address is up at the top.
Ken Avidor blogs about Rep. Mark Olson, Personal Rapid Transit and other snary stuff.
